I thought i might do an update thing for those who might be curious
college sucks, but good thing is i might pass teo classes with A's. Downside i might fail speech class and then have to retake it >.< and english is so lameeeeeeee which is sad cause i used to love english class.
the cold has really taken its toll in my body :/ my joints hurt a lot and ive hard to start using braces on my ankle and wrists because they are weak and need the support.
My chest has been having a pain in it off and on for the last couple days, think its something to do with the cold air and my asthma. And like a dummy i forgot my coat at my dads and havent had it for a week and a half so i didnt have it when it sniwed and that sucked so muchhhhhh
i didnt sleep at all last night and ive been having bad dreams about my teeth coming out and being bloody and loose and stuff.
i found a sure fire way to make me happy pretty fast if ive been upset, and that is the pumpkin pie blizzards from dairy queen. Too bad its only seasonal....
my dads new job is going well for him, but hes got cuts, burns and bruises all over him and his joints have been hurting way more than before. His feet have gotten used to being used a lot again thiugh so they have healed from their blisters.
my mom has gone off the deep end and me and my cousin both agree that we dont think shes going to ever be normal again. Its been three years and all she has done is gotten worse and worse....she keeps calling and showing up at random places and asking me things over and over that i have answered and im so tired...she keeps blaming me and guilting me and i just dont kniw what to say anymore, so i stay quiet.
i have some older friends at school now. This lady who knows my dad eats lunch with me sometimes and this marine vet calls me a punk in greeting. I have a guy i play magic with sometimes and a few people i debate star wars with and my biology profressor likes to be called Captain Solo and he is obsessed with saving chicken turtles.
tristens family has taken me in and showed me what an actually functioning whole family looks like. They help me out and feed me dinner when i dont have anywhere else to go, and they include me in everything. They have helped me with school, truck problems and they let me do my laundry there. Im happy to call them my family
every time he mentions hes leaving i see all the last things hes doing with his family. I miss him when hes doing things at school or we dont get to see each other. Hes got 6 short months left and then hes off on a journey that wont slow down for anyone else. Im proud of him and im so glad he is a part of my life. Hinestly im gling to school for him, because there isnt really anything i want to do career wise. I wouldnt mind just working a job to make tye minimum to live on, but he wants me to go to school, so here i am.
here I am, tured and stressed and sleepy and surprisingly not depressed tonight. It could be the homemade apple pie his momma made tonight
we talked about me possibly going to a therapist and trying an anti depressant...but i dont like the idea of them. Especially since recently ive heard a lot of stories about the adverse affects of them and people offing themsels...
currently im doing pretty good at keeping myself away from really bad depression.
im extremely sensitive now and i end up crying some nights just because ive overwhelmed myself or been overwhelmed. I apologize or wish i could apologize to people who have been affected by the newer parts of my emotions and depression, but i dont know how to say it. My body languge doesnt help anything, i can be jerky and unresponsive and that gives people the wrong idea and my mind usually kicks in a few seconds later and i try to apologize with my eyes and smile, but it probablynjust seems like im being an ass.
Eh, hopefully itll improve more....
well i, sleepy and im gona go play some of my favorite game, Game of War Fire age before i pass out.
over and out