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About Varied / Student Member DredUnited States Group :iconraining-blood-saga: Raining-Blood-Saga
The Ultimate Quest has Begun!
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Activity


  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Scars - papa roach
  • Playing: Game Of War - Fire Age
I thought i might do an update thing for those who might be curious :)

college sucks, but good thing is i might pass teo classes with A's. Downside i might fail speech class and then have to retake it >.< and english is so lameeeeeeee which is sad cause i used to love english class.

the cold has really taken its toll in my body :/ my joints hurt a lot and ive hard to start using braces on my ankle and wrists because they are weak and need the support.

My chest has been having a pain in it off and on for the last couple days, think its something to do with the cold air and my asthma. And like a dummy i forgot my coat at my dads and havent had it for a week and a half so i didnt have it when it sniwed and that sucked so muchhhhhh

i didnt sleep at all last night and ive been having bad dreams about my teeth coming out and being bloody and loose and stuff.

i found a sure fire way to make me happy pretty fast if ive been upset, and that is the pumpkin pie blizzards from dairy queen. Too bad its only seasonal....

my dads new job is going well for him, but hes got cuts, burns and bruises all over him and his joints have been hurting way more than before. His feet have gotten used to being used a lot again thiugh so they have healed from their blisters.

my mom has gone off the deep end and me and my cousin both agree that we dont think shes going to ever be normal again. Its been three years and all she has done is gotten worse and worse....she keeps calling and showing up at random places and asking me things over and over that i have answered and im so tired...she keeps blaming me and guilting me and i just dont kniw what to say anymore, so i stay quiet.

i have some older friends at school now. This lady who knows my dad eats lunch with me sometimes and this marine vet calls me a punk in greeting. I have a guy i play magic with sometimes and a few people i debate star wars with and my biology profressor likes to be called Captain Solo and he is obsessed with saving chicken turtles.

tristens family has taken me in and showed me what an actually functioning whole family looks like. They help me out and feed me dinner when i dont have anywhere else to go, and they include me in everything. They have helped me with school, truck problems and they let me do my laundry there. Im happy to call them my family :)

every time he mentions hes leaving i see all the last things hes doing with his family. I miss him when hes doing things at school or we dont get to see each other. Hes got 6 short months left and then hes off on a journey that wont slow down for anyone else. Im proud of him and im so glad he is a part of my life. Hinestly im gling to school for him, because there isnt really anything i want to do career wise. I wouldnt mind just working a job to make tye minimum to live on, but he wants me to go to school, so here i am.

here I am, tured and stressed and sleepy and surprisingly not depressed tonight. It could be the homemade apple pie his momma made tonight :)

we talked about me possibly going to a therapist and trying an anti depressant...but i dont like the idea of them. Especially since recently ive heard a lot of stories about the adverse affects of them and people offing themsels... 

currently im doing pretty good at keeping myself away from really bad depression.
im extremely sensitive now and i end up crying some nights just because ive overwhelmed myself or been overwhelmed. I apologize or wish i could apologize to people who have been affected by the newer parts of my emotions and depression, but i dont know how to say it. My body languge doesnt help anything, i can be jerky and unresponsive and that gives people the wrong idea and my mind usually kicks in a few seconds later and i try to apologize with my eyes and smile, but it probablynjust seems like im being an ass. 

Eh, hopefully itll improve more....

well i, sleepy and im gona go play some of my favorite game, Game of War Fire age before i pass out.

over and out :)
"Aren't you going to answer the phone? Maybe you should at least text her back?"
"I can't handle it, I don't have anything to say.I'll do it later."
"...Okay."

"Why would you want to see your own blood? Aren't you happy not being in pain anymore?"
"Why would you not want to eat? Aren't you happy you aren't starving anymore?"
"All you do is cry."

"Why would you choose a best friend that is leaving no matter what?"
"Because he's coming back. And he's going to rescue me."
"Then why do you keep thinking he's not going to come through?"
"Because every thing about me is insecure, except for my insecurities themselves."
"Well that's fuckin stupid."
"No doubt."

"What do you want out of life?"
"Honestly, I don't even know if I want life some days."
"Just answer the damn question."
"I want to not think, because when I'm just living, and not thinking about living, that is when I am the happiest."

"You probably shouldn't drink and cry on him anymore."
"Probably. But at least he didn't leave."
"At least he comforted your stupid ass."

"I can't sleep at night anymore."
"When I sleep with him, its like I'm dead, in a good way."
"His presence is like a coma. It's like I'm suspended in cryo."
"I've never felt safe enough to sleep like that with anyone else."
  • Mood: I Have To Pee
  • Listening to: 45 - Shinedown
  • Playing: Game Of War - Fire Age
Its been 294 days since i last cut or burned myself. 
Its been really hard, some days are better than others.
its really hard not to relapse.
i think about it every day, i have all sorts of scars to remind me of it all.
i dream about doing it, i think about it when i see a knife or a lighter. 
Honestly it sucks. There are some days i just really want to, and it makes me so mad and upset. But i keep thinking about how long its been. And to a degree it gets easier to keep going. But its hard, because i did it so long. Its hard because its easier to hurt rather than to feel and think. I dont know what to do some times. But im going to do my best.
Locked away in a dark room again
Head spinning round and round
Where'd the ground go
Cause I'm falling down again

Chilly hands slipping and sliding
Trying to get a hold
But there's nothing but darkness
Falling end over end

It's lonely and it's cold
Thinking about the past and the future
Dreaming about bloody wrists and sealed lips
When does it ever end

Did I ever whisper to you
About when gravity doesn't exist
And I float to the ceiling
And my tears never hit my cheeks

Why does it rain upside down
From the ground up to the clouds
All we get is pain and hassle in return
From all the work and broken fingers

Please hold me in the dark
Kiss my neck because your lips burn
And that's the only thing that keeps me warm
And your hands are the only things that hold me together

My bodies got a fever
My nerves are shutting down one by one
I'm so tired and my demons wake up at night
It's hard to let go of the things I can't change

It's like it's all carved into my soul
Like I can't stop breakin my bones
Like I'm sitting on a ship
Waiting to go home, but nobody else knows
Soren Guinder by Shikyo-Uchiha
Soren Guinder
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Shikyo-Uchiha's Profile Picture
Shikyo-Uchiha
Dred
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
I have a great ginger boy friend named Tristen and my internet god-father of wisedom is :iconzevais:
I write Poetry and sketch, and a lot of my time is taken up between working in the theatre and spending time with my family and wonderful boy <3
I listen to mostly rock and country music now ^^
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:iconlorian-nod:
Lorian-Nod Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Love clones=llama :)
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:icontnobody0214:
TNobody0214 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014
Shikyo are you still alive?
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Student Writer
:huggle: Thanks for the favourite :D
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:icon3232warriorfan3232:
3232WarriorFan3232 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student Digital Artist
OMG THIS IS REALLY TOTALLY RANDOM,
BUT YOUR WEBCAM IS LIKE,
THE BOSS OF ALL WEBCAMS! :icontwilightwowplz: XD
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconzevais:
Zevais Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist
I am on my iphone, and it is horrible for typing or doing anything on the deviant art site. I've read your latest note on the iphone. I just wanted to say I'll be replying tomorrow afternoon. Tonight is a bit hectic for me; I didn't want you to worry about how long I will take to reply.
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(1 Reply)
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