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:iconshikyo-uchiha: More from Shikyo-Uchiha


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October 4, 2012
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Every day, every minute, every second, every where you look, there will be someone there to push you down. Someone looking to make your life a living hell and screw up what could have been the best day of your life. In middle school and high school every thing that happens to you is such a big deal. She called you ugly, he called you stupid, they laughed at you when you tripped down the stairs. No one had the balls enough to be a decent person and help you. Your world seems to be crashing down around you, and all you can do is sit there and watch it come down, brick by bloody brick. You think you have no one to turn to.

But that is not true. For every five people that hurt you, there is surely to be at least one friendly face in the crowd. Some one who has been there and understands the pain of those days. Someone who wants to help you. Some one to put there hand out and catch you when you fall. But you have to be able to trust enough to reach out. You have to put yourself out there and make an effort to save yourself.

You can look left and right and see ignorant people. Not those people who do stupid things, but the ones who could do something if they actually applied themselves; but they are too high and mighty or too lazy to actually do it.

You can look at those people and think in your mind, "five years from now, when I am graduated, they could still be here." Or "They are going to be some miserable adults someday, in prison, with eight kids that they can't even take care of. On drugs and doped out on stupid."

While you are out there, pursuing your dreams, doing what you want, smiling because you made it big. And even if you don't make it big to everyone, you made it big for yourself. You made it through the years that so many people give up in.

There are so many out there that believe hope is just an illusion, something someone cooked up to keep people silent or happy. Something to toy with people. But if you believe in actual hope, in something that can get you through the bad times, then you can do it. You can live. You can smile. You can survive and go on to tell your grand children about all of your good stories.

Because the good times, even if its just a genuine smile, always out weigh the bad.

Don't give up.

Please.

<3
I was talking to one of my friends today, and she needed cheering up, something to help her along the way, and when i finished telling her what i told her, i realized that maybe some other people needed to hear this to? And that maybe I should listen to myself more sometimes lol? :iconotlplz: i hope this helps someone, and if it does, maybe give me some feedback? Or if it doesn't feed back is still awesome ^^; like if I offended anyone o.o I don't like doing that ^^; *ramble ramble ramble rant* :icondoublefacepalmplz:
Love you guys <3
:iconsupertighthugplz:
oh and a really good song to listen to from this would be [link] listen to it a couple times and just...let it sink in if it can? It's really...awesome ^^; <3
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:iconyoureadmyusername:
Alright. Here is my little critique:

"In middle school and high school every thing that happens to you is such a big deal."

Should be:

"In middle school and high school, everything that happens to you seems like such a big deal."

Put a comma after middle and high school, so you can connect the two clauses together. Also, such means "being stated or indicated". I think the word you were looking for was seem, as seem means "to appear to be".

Also, beware of using "but" or "and" in starting a sentence. Using these two conjunctions to start a sentence is alright, but be mindful on how you use them. Ask yourself these two question before you use "and" or "but" as the beginning in the sentence:

1.) Do you think the sentence can work well without using "and" or "but" as the starting of said sentence or paragraph?

2.) Could said sentence be connected to the previous sentence? You can always use semi-colons to connect two independent clauses.

A good substitute for "and" or "but" can be any of the following: however, although, nevertheless, moreover, in addition, and furthermore.

Also, there is a difference between "there" and "their"; "there" means a place, "their" means to indicate a possession belonging to a group of people. I understand why people get mixed them with the two, as they sound a like in speech.


"They are going to be some miserable adults someday, in prison, with eight kids that they can't even take care of. On drugs and doped out on stupid."

Should be:

"They are going to be some miserable adults someday that will either end up in prison, or with eight kids they can't take care of; on drugs and doped out on stupid."

What was wrong in the original sentence was that you were stating that those people will be in prison with eight kids. Be sure to distinguish your options on what they will be like. If you don't add "either" when presenting possible options for those you regard in your writings, it will appear as if they did all those options, even though it will be physically impossible to do so under those circumstances. However, if you meant that those people will be in prison with eight kids in their homes, with their spouses or whoever else, then you should have added more details so others won't get confused. Mentioning they are in prison while their spouses are dealing with eight children they cannot take care of would be an example on how you can illustrate your point.


I'm very sorry for the delay. I take my time with critiques. Also, critiquing literature is a pain. Errr... I'm not implying your writing was bad. I absolutely love it. Though the thing with literature is this; it has more rules than a drawing has. So I have to go step-by-step on what you did wrong, and then another step-by-step on how you can improve. Critiques get longer when the literature work in question has a significant amount of words to it. I rarely leave critiques for works in the literature field. I only leave them for works that are very emotionally powerful, as is the case here.

I really did love your work. I had a somewhat similar experience. I am surprised where I am right now. I have a home, I have food, and I have never done drugs. I tried to endure, and I thought that for all my patience and self-control, I would still eventually end up as someone with a relatively short-life. Here I am now, with my own lap-top, typing. I'm amazed I've some so far. While I still have some issues, I can handle them a lot better than I did in the past. I really thank you for submitting this. It was such a pleasure to read. :)
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:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Oct 11, 2012  Student General Artist
Alright, thank you for all this XD though I'm not sure when/if i will actually get the time to fix it o.o there seems to be a considerable amount of things I screwed up. So, forgive me if I don't get to it soon >.< thank you though for spending so much time on it o.o <3
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:iconyoureadmyusername:
No, you don't have to. Even if you did screw up a few things, your writing was really good. The point is that next time you write your anything new, you will use my critiques to avoid the same mistakes and improve. Critiques are to help you grow as a writer or artist. It's not just used to point out how your art-work/literature-work can be improved. Anyway, your welcome and keep writing. I'll get to the rest of your stuff soon enough. :)
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:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Oct 12, 2012  Student General Artist
Aw thanks ^^ the rest of myself is a lot o.o and i advise you to be careful XD
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:iconkittysib:
Nice. It's good to try and help people see that hope is real. Cuz so often it's easy to forget. With constant reminders, it makes it easier to remember that not everything in life sucks!:D Thanks!
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:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Oct 9, 2012  Student General Artist
You are welcome ^^ <3
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:iconjulian0123:
julian0123 Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are right on that.
School there seems to be more difficult than here...
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