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Every day, every minute, every second, every where you look, there will be someone there to push you down. Someone looking to make your life a living hell and screw up what could have been the best day of your life. In middle school and high school every thing that happens to you is such a big deal. She called you ugly, he called you stupid, they laughed at you when you tripped down the stairs. No one had the balls enough to be a decent person and help you. Your world seems to be crashing down around you, and all you can do is sit there and watch it come down, brick by bloody brick. You think you have no one to turn to.

But that is not true. For every five people that hurt you, there is surely to be at least one friendly face in the crowd. Some one who has been there and understands the pain of those days. Someone who wants to help you. Some one to put there hand out and catch you when you fall. But you have to be able to trust enough to reach out. You have to put yourself out there and make an effort to save yourself.

You can look left and right and see ignorant people. Not those people who do stupid things, but the ones who could do something if they actually applied themselves; but they are too high and mighty or too lazy to actually do it.

You can look at those people and think in your mind, "five years from now, when I am graduated, they could still be here." Or "They are going to be some miserable adults someday, in prison, with eight kids that they can't even take care of. On drugs and doped out on stupid."

While you are out there, pursuing your dreams, doing what you want, smiling because you made it big. And even if you don't make it big to everyone, you made it big for yourself. You made it through the years that so many people give up in.

There are so many out there that believe hope is just an illusion, something someone cooked up to keep people silent or happy. Something to toy with people. But if you believe in actual hope, in something that can get you through the bad times, then you can do it. You can live. You can smile. You can survive and go on to tell your grand children about all of your good stories.

Because the good times, even if its just a genuine smile, always out weigh the bad.

Don't give up.

Please.

<3
I was talking to one of my friends today, and she needed cheering up, something to help her along the way, and when i finished telling her what i told her, i realized that maybe some other people needed to hear this to? And that maybe I should listen to myself more sometimes lol? :iconotlplz: i hope this helps someone, and if it does, maybe give me some feedback? Or if it doesn't feed back is still awesome ^^; like if I offended anyone o.o I don't like doing that ^^; *ramble ramble ramble rant* :icondoublefacepalmplz:
Love you guys <3
:iconsupertighthugplz:
oh and a really good song to listen to from this would be [link] listen to it a couple times and just...let it sink in if it can? It's really...awesome ^^; <3
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:iconyoureadmyusername:
YouReadMyUserName Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012
Alright. Here is my little critique:

"In middle school and high school every thing that happens to you is such a big deal."

Should be:

"In middle school and high school, everything that happens to you seems like such a big deal."

Put a comma after middle and high school, so you can connect the two clauses together. Also, such means "being stated or indicated". I think the word you were looking for was seem, as seem means "to appear to be".

Also, beware of using "but" or "and" in starting a sentence. Using these two conjunctions to start a sentence is alright, but be mindful on how you use them. Ask yourself these two question before you use "and" or "but" as the beginning in the sentence:

1.) Do you think the sentence can work well without using "and" or "but" as the starting of said sentence or paragraph?

2.) Could said sentence be connected to the previous sentence? You can always use semi-colons to connect two independent clauses.

A good substitute for "and" or "but" can be any of the following: however, although, nevertheless, moreover, in addition, and furthermore.

Also, there is a difference between "there" and "their"; "there" means a place, "their" means to indicate a possession belonging to a group of people. I understand why people get mixed them with the two, as they sound a like in speech.


"They are going to be some miserable adults someday, in prison, with eight kids that they can't even take care of. On drugs and doped out on stupid."

Should be:

"They are going to be some miserable adults someday that will either end up in prison, or with eight kids they can't take care of; on drugs and doped out on stupid."

What was wrong in the original sentence was that you were stating that those people will be in prison with eight kids. Be sure to distinguish your options on what they will be like. If you don't add "either" when presenting possible options for those you regard in your writings, it will appear as if they did all those options, even though it will be physically impossible to do so under those circumstances. However, if you meant that those people will be in prison with eight kids in their homes, with their spouses or whoever else, then you should have added more details so others won't get confused. Mentioning they are in prison while their spouses are dealing with eight children they cannot take care of would be an example on how you can illustrate your point.


I'm very sorry for the delay. I take my time with critiques. Also, critiquing literature is a pain. Errr... I'm not implying your writing was bad. I absolutely love it. Though the thing with literature is this; it has more rules than a drawing has. So I have to go step-by-step on what you did wrong, and then another step-by-step on how you can improve. Critiques get longer when the literature work in question has a significant amount of words to it. I rarely leave critiques for works in the literature field. I only leave them for works that are very emotionally powerful, as is the case here.

I really did love your work. I had a somewhat similar experience. I am surprised where I am right now. I have a home, I have food, and I have never done drugs. I tried to endure, and I thought that for all my patience and self-control, I would still eventually end up as someone with a relatively short-life. Here I am now, with my own lap-top, typing. I'm amazed I've some so far. While I still have some issues, I can handle them a lot better than I did in the past. I really thank you for submitting this. It was such a pleasure to read. :)
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Student General Artist
Alright, thank you for all this XD though I'm not sure when/if i will actually get the time to fix it o.o there seems to be a considerable amount of things I screwed up. So, forgive me if I don't get to it soon >.< thank you though for spending so much time on it o.o <3
Reply
:iconyoureadmyusername:
YouReadMyUserName Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012
No, you don't have to. Even if you did screw up a few things, your writing was really good. The point is that next time you write your anything new, you will use my critiques to avoid the same mistakes and improve. Critiques are to help you grow as a writer or artist. It's not just used to point out how your art-work/literature-work can be improved. Anyway, your welcome and keep writing. I'll get to the rest of your stuff soon enough. :)
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Student General Artist
Aw thanks ^^ the rest of myself is a lot o.o and i advise you to be careful XD
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice. It's good to try and help people see that hope is real. Cuz so often it's easy to forget. With constant reminders, it makes it easier to remember that not everything in life sucks!:D Thanks!
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Student General Artist
You are welcome ^^ <3
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
YAY!:D
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Student General Artist
HEHE ^^
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
Reply
:iconjulian0123:
julian0123 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are right on that.
School there seems to be more difficult than here...
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Student General Artist
thank you :) I don't know, it is very difficult for a lot of people, but I think its more of how people experience it, on how developed people's maturity's are and how people are able to cope.
Reply
:iconjulian0123:
julian0123 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Life's only seems to be easy when you are a kid, right?
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Student General Artist
It gets worse as you go, because you mature and your priorities and view points change.
Reply
:iconjulian0123:
julian0123 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, it is what it is. What can we do to that?
Reply
:iconangeloflight03:
AngelofLight03 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Student Writer
This is amazing, and I love it. It made me think. I felt like I was the person in this, and it makes you see things a little differently, especially when you are the person who has to go through this. :D Love it.
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you so much!! :3
Reply
:iconangeloflight03:
AngelofLight03 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconyoureadmyusername:
YouReadMyUserName Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012
Heart-warming. Along with a particular art-work I've recently added to my favorites, this made my week. It's always welcoming to see a very sweet person helping out a friend-in-need. This stands out from all the angst writing I've been seeing lately. I'm very impressed and touched. Though I think you made some errors, it's the thought that counts. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this down and submitting it on Deviant Art so others can take comfort from it. Great job. :)

I actually want to offer some constructive criticism on this, regarding grammar. May I?
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you ^^ and yes, if you would like ^^; though I don't know if I'll change it or not, I originally just wrote it in free verse
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:iconallfia:
Allfia Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student General Artist
:huggle: you're welcome <3 Thank you
Reply
:iconya0iluvr:
Ya0iluvr Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
......:heart:
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student General Artist
<33333333333333
Reply
:iconalready-halfway-gone:
already-halfway-gone Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012
holy crap. <3 a million favorites. :)
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:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student General Artist
YAY! ^^ :iconsupertighthugplz:
Reply
:iconirelelengar:
IrelElengar Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student Writer
This is very uplifting! :)
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you so much! I'm glad it is!
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student Writer
TIS A MOST WONDERFUL THING YOU WROTE HERE! :love: I'm glad your friend is doing better ><
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student General Artist
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ^^ I'm glad she id doing better as well :3
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student Writer
No problem XD :hug:
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student General Artist
:) :iconsupertighthugplz:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Student Writer
:iconoldschoolownedplz:
Reply
:iconkyashii-mori:
Kyashii-Mori Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student General Artist
I loved it very much and even though I didn't really need cheering up at the moment, it made me glad to know that there are still people who care enough for others, even strangers, to post something like this. Thanks so much and I'm sure that your words will cheer up a lot of people who need it. Oh, and I hope that your friends is in better spirits now. :hug:
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you so much! I'm glad it could make you glad! She is doing better yes! She was happier after I spoke to her, and I believe if she listens to me she will get better lots faster ^^ She's too young to be feeling like this, and too young to be dealing with the stuff she's going through, but aren't we all nowadays? I'm only 17 and I can give out this information, I'm scared of what our next generation is going to be like, maybe worse. Unless we fix it :) :tighthug:
Reply
:iconkyashii-mori:
Kyashii-Mori Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Student General Artist
It really did make me happy! I'm glad that she's doing better
and I hope that she does listen to you. You seem to have a good grasp of the world and I only wish I had been like you when I was 17. :3 Kids and teenagers these days are exposed to so much of life way to early on and lose their innocence before they have a chance to savor life properly. I'm not saying the they should be totally sheltered or anything, but life now-a-days is very tough and some are able to handle it better than others. It's great that your friend has you to be there for her. :heart: :huggle:
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student General Artist
I agree absolutely with you, and I'm just glad that I can be there for her and at least help a little bit, and my hope is to help others as well :3 <3 :tighthug:
Reply
:iconkyashii-mori:
Kyashii-Mori Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Well, I think you're doing great job so far. Keep it up! :heart:
Reply
:iconshikyo-uchiha:
Shikyo-Uchiha Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Student General Artist
I will ^^ :3
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