Its not that simple

Even though its not my fault
I still get blamed
I'm not allowed to just go off
Forever rid of her.
I'm not allowed to forget
Or maybe never forgive.
I'm expected to one day forgive her.
Let her back into my life.
Let her screw me over again.
And swallow it like a horse pill
Because she's been my "Mother"
For the past 15.5 years
She gave birth to me
She raised me-Kind of.
She "protected" me sometimes
She brain washed me
And taught me "Faith"
I'm not allowed to cut her away
Like you do when your flesh is rotted
I'm not allowed to be free yet
And probably never will be
There is no escape
From the everything
The voices you trust telling you not to go
To be happy
To smile
To be "nice"
To put up with it
To get over it
-Even when you can feel the wounds like yesterday
To be okay
For real.
Its just not that simple
Its not simple like before it all happened
I can smile
-When I'm with you guys
I can laugh
-When I know you love me
I can cry when I'm alone
-And not be ashamed anymore
I can tell you
-Through this
What happens
How long it will happen
-Forever-
How much pain I'll go through
-A lot
How many lies I'll tell you
-Like "I'm Just fine"
--Or "Yeah, I had a great day."
Its not as simple as it used to be
When I was really happy.
When I wasn't rotten inside.
But it'll get better.
Because I have duct tape
And we'll agree never to be creative again
So please forgive me
When I get stupid
When I get angry at the smallest things
When I argue with you
Forgive me, because I love you
I need you
I need you to fix me...